I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
