I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wow bdsm is so cute
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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