Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
soo... how was my night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
