My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
