Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
how does that bad decision feel?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
