Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
