quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we're making bets on your personal life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
