Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
