If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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