So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
