I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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