The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
