When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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