I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
