drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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