Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
