Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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