I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
