considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am naked and annoyed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
