my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
