me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
