You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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