I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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