I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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