Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
