Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
