the condom got lost in my hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
