I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
