I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
