I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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