Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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