How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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