you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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