too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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