There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
