I could make wine with my vomit
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
