no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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