Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
