How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
