Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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