why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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