Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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