after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
