You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
