I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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