Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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