no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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