4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
