I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
