just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
