all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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