I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
