awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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