I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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