3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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