This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You have to summon your inner elephant
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
