the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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